Hmm...so what's new with me! Really, not much. Still working in SLC as a paramedic for a private ambulance company. Things are going well there. Still wish I could get hired at a city fire department. That's definitely more of my dream. But until then, I just plug along and work on my skills. Recently moved stations from Midvale to Sandy. Like the change a whole lot better. Feels more comfortable. Also still work for Sundance and volunteer at NFFD. Mostly, though, I'm in SLC with work. Very rarely do I work at Sundance anymore. Only pick up shifts about every other month. But then, they only seem to offer me shifts that I can't work. But, I have picked up a few shifts with Sundance the last couple of weeks. Now that we're going into the slow season, there won't be hardly any shifts to pick up. That's okay. I don't depend on Sundance for an income. Just nice to pick up a shift or two to augment my income. I'm trying to become more involved with NFFD. Work at least 1 weekend shift a month up there. Wish I could do more sometimes. But, I do still live in the canyon and respond when I can when the pager goes off. Been on a few calls lately that were good. Just wish there wasn't as much time in between calls.
Some people lately have asked why I haven't been dancing as much. That's an interesting question. Really, it boils down to one main thing. The cost-benefit ratio of dancing for me isn't what it use to be. The benefits of dancing use to be much higher and thus I spent more time dancing around at different places. Now, the costs of dancing far outweigh the perceived benefits I receive. And when I refer to costs, it's not just money and time. One strong argument for dancing is that I get to meet a variety of girls and potentially find those I can date. Lately, that hasn't been much of a draw to it. Either I feel too old to date the girls or they're just not appealing enough to me to ask them out. I'm still friends with many and I do still enjoy dancing on the rare occasion. It's just not my scene anymore. Maybe I'm just in a different state that I was before. Maybe I just don't love dancing as much. But whatever the case may be, it's just not as much of a passion for me as it use to be.
Church is good for me. Not much to report there. Get along great with the bishopric. Ward chemistry has changed a bit recently. School is starting up soon, and we just got an influx of new people to the ward. I admit that I don't feel the intimate connection that I use to have with a lot of the ward members. It's not that I don't have friends in the ward because I do. But, I'm not as close to most of the ward like I use to. It's probably mostly my fault. I've been so busy lately that I haven't really tried to build friendships with the ward like I use to. I do still like the ward. Thus, I will stay in the ward as long as possible. But, I can't wait to "graduate" and move to the family ward.
Socially, things have changed a lot recently. Kinda a long, weird story. Anyway, here it goes! Ever since I broke up with Christine, my dating life has kinda sucked. Haven't really had any solid success in dating one girl or another. It's not that I hadn't tried. Well, maybe I didn't try all that hard. But, I went thru the motions. Went on a couple dates here and there. Nothing too substantial. Did try and date this one girl that I had a crush on for several years. Didn't work out, though. Really, I just wasn't feeling much in the dating scene for myself. I couldn't ever put a finger on it, but I just didn't feel like dating. I knew I needed to date and I wanted to date someone. I just didn't have much motivation to do it. Can't explain why. I just didn't have the drive to date. Like I said, I'd go on the occasional date. They were all fun. I just couldn't get myself to be interested in any of those girls. All of them were great girls in one way or another. All of them were good-looking. Each one had some unique traits that attracted me to them in some way or another. So, it wasn't like I was wasting my time or theirs in going on dates with them. Despite all that, I just couldn't get enough traction to get anything going. I just didn't feel right about it. I then came to the conclusion to pretty much give up on serious dating. I would date for fun and that's it. When something worthwhile came along, I'd focus on it. But dating for marriage, well, I put that on the back burner (again) while I focus on other things. I've talked to my parents a lot over the past few years and tried to figure out why I was in such a funk. Neither they nor I could figure it out. Some friends thought I was still holding onto feelings from dating Christine. They said that if I couldn't move on past that then I'd never find a girl to date seriously. But that wasn't it. I had already moved on past that. Some just thought I was bitter about girls in general. Trust me, it wasn't that. I have many girl friends that I associate with and hang out with on a regular basis. So, it couldn't be that. No one could come up with a rational explanation for why I didn't want to date seriously. I still don't think anyone can. So, I gave up on dating seriously and planned to focus on other pursuits. I still needed to get into my chosen career, so I could focus on that. My student loans came out of deference, so I thought I could focus on them too and work a bit more so I wouldn't be so upside-down in debt. There were a lot of things I began planning my life around to put myself in a better situation and make myself a better person. And then it happened. I got set up on a blind date. I'd gone on a few blind dates recently. I opened myself up and let my friends set me up on dates. I think they enjoyed the thought of being a matchmaker for me. I was open to the thought of dating but didn't really expect anything to go anywhere. Most of these dates were real fun. Met a lot of new girls with a lot of great personalities. I did really enjoy myself. But that being said, I just didn't feel like any of these new relationships would go anywhere other than just friendships. That's it. For one reason or another, I just didn't feel the chemistry. Then, my friend Gwen called me up and told me I should ask out a friend of hers. She recently was getting her hair done by a friend from home named Beckie Motola. Beckie and Gwen were talking about life and dating and then the subject of Susie came up. Susie is Beckie's older sister. Beckie, I guess, talked about how she wanted Susie to find and date a good guy. I guess Susie had just gotten out of some bad relationships recently and Beckie wanted her to find some happiness. Then Gwen had the idea of setting up an old coworker of hers with Susie. That old coworker happened to be me. Gwen, of course, talked up Susie and told me how similar all of our interests were and that I should ask her out. At that point in my life, I was up for just about anything. I've never been the type to reject asking before I actually meet the girl. I try and get to know everyone and give each date at least a fighting chance of working out. So, I consented. My shyness came out a bit and it took me awhile to get the courage to ask Susie out. Of course, I went to Beckie's Facebook to at least see a picture of what Susie would look like. When I saw the picture, I immediately remembered who Susie was. We had bumped into each other on various calls in Provo Canyon. Never really said much to each other. Too busy with our rescue responsibilities to chat. She works for Utah County Search and Rescue and comes to assist us at NFFD on a lot of our rescues in the canyon. So, I had seen her around before. And, I just assumed that she was either married or dating someone. There aren't many girls in the public safety field. There are even fewer cute girls around my age in the public safety sector. There are even less that are actually single and that I'd have the courage to ask out. That was kinda my assumption with Susie. So when I found out she was single, I admit there was a slight glimmer of hope that things could work out between us. But, I kept it at bay. When I finally did ask her out, it was great! We talked for several hours initially. Then, since we were still talking, we decided to meet for ice cream and continue the conversation there. We then met up and talked for even more time until we were both too tired to talk. For the first time in a long time, I was excited about dating. I had found a girl that I could talk to and enjoyed getting to know. Our conversation wasn't all superficial stuff but stuff about our lives and our dreams. I wanted to ask her out again but wasn't sure how she felt. Due to some other complications and plans, I couldn't ask her out right away. I left for my sister's wedding and also had a busy week or two at work. When I did finally ask her out again, there was no response. I tried a few times and a few different ways, but nothing happened. So rather than be hurt again, I gave up on the relationship. It was only one date. Maybe she had found someone else that was more of a compatible match for her. Maybe it simply was she didn't like me that way. Maybe her sister and friends decided I wasn't a good match for her. My mind raced with all the possibilities. As well, I didn't want to waste Susie's time nor mine on a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. So, I gave up and moved on. Life returned back to normal for a week or two. Then Gwen called me back and asked if I liked Susie. I said yes. She then asked why I didn't ask her out again. I explained that I had tried and it had gone nowhere, so I had given up and moved on. She then went on to tell me that Susie was in fact interested and was waiting for me to ask her out again. From my viewpoint, I couldn't see that. I felt that this girl had already rejected most of my advances and thus had made it clear she was not interested. However, I was willing to listen to Gwen's perspective since she may have heard things that I didn't know about. Besides, "girl talk" always brings up things that we as guys never hear about. And I'm always willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. So, Gwen told me I should ask her out again. Although reluctant, I agreed I would. The next best opportunity for me to ask out Susie was for the full moon lift ride in July at Sundance. It's a great time to talk since you're stuck all alone on a lift for an hour with just the two of you. Kinda a sink-or-swim moment, you know? So, I asked Susie out again. And she said yes! I picked her up for our date and went on the lift ride. We again had a great conversation on the lifts, just trying to get to know each other better. So, the date went well. Luckily, I had built up enough courage by then that I asked her out again for another date. And she said yes again. And then I asked her out again. And she again said yes again. And now I'd dating this wonderful girl named Susie Motola. We've had many good talks now with lots of interesting questions and games. In one game, we compete to see who is the bigger nerd. I think it's a close tie between us. On our dates, we've now butchered a pig, placed fenceposts, went for a drive in the canyon, ate dinner with her family, went to her first demolition derby, attended work BBQs, and on and on. Things are going so well between us that it is almost scary. I feel so natural in our relationship. Things aren't forced or manipulated. They just flow. We both have ridiculously busy schedules, but somehow we seem to find the time to talk or see each other. I've spent many nights at her place talking, staying much longer than I had planned or should have stayed. But I just can't get enough of her! I love spending time with her. I wish I could spend all my time with her! She's an amazing girl! Sure, she's had her issues. But then, so have I. I don't judge her for her past, only where her future is going. It's refreshing to be with a girl that I have so much in common with. It feels so natural. I don't know how else to explain it. I would have never guessed that I would be in this situation right now. Like I mentioned before, I had given up on dating anyone serious. I figured it would happen eventually but probably not anytime soon. And yet now, here I sit, in a serious, committed relationship. I would never have guessed I would be this happy! Now, where do we go? Well, there's only really one place I want this to go. But, I won't focus too much on the future and enjoy each day with her as if it were my last. I really do cherish the time that I get to spend with her! And I don't even care that she'll be reading this! This is the happiest I've been in quite awhile. Yay!
Can't think of anything else to blog about right now. If there's more, I'll write about it later. But now, off to work...
