The Random Life of Tyler...

Hmm...

2011-04-01T11:42:00.003-06:00

So, I've realized that I, once again, neglected to update my blog. Not that I have much to write, though. I wish there were more to update on this, but I don't have an exciting life. At least, not yet. Been busy, though! I promise! I will try and be better at this. Supposedly, this is how many keep up with my life. Well, here it goes!!!

Work is good. I hate commuting! But, I enjoy my job. Wish it were a fire job, though. Soon enough, I'll get hired somewhere. I'm learning what I can when I can. I seem to be a white cloud for every single truck I'm on. There just doesn't seem to be many calls on the trucks I run on. Oh well! I haven't lost my skills entirely yet! Working several jobs is killer! I realize how much I shouldn't become a workaholic! But, things are easing up since the ski season is done now. I won't be up at Sundance too often now. Now I can start focusing on other things in my life!

Socially, I'm not doing anything. I've worked way too much to allow any time for "other pursuits". Sadly, I have no one to blame but myself. But, I will soon correct this mistake (I hope)! I do go dancing twice a week. That's good. And, I play volleyball once a week. So, I do see people outside of work constraints! Dating any of them? Well, that's another problem. Maybe I should get over my shyness and actually ask a girl out! I missed an opportunity with one girl recently. She's moving to Las Vegas this weekend for a job. Sad to see her go! But then, I didn't make any moves earlier and this is a great career move for her. Not really much else socially going on otherwise. Kicking myself regularly for being a wuss. But then again, what's new?

Been traveling a bit, applying for jobs. Gotten pretty far in some and not so far in others. Still haven't gotten hired with a fire department yet. Trying, though. I'll have to update this with more details when I know them...

Denver!

2010-11-03T05:07:00.003-06:00

So, I just got back from Denver today. Wow! I never thought I could cram so much into such a short trip! Well, I guess I could have tried to stick more into the schedule. I'm glad I didn't! I'm REALLY tired right now! But, I'm at work tonight, covering for someone who was sick. So, I've got time to update the blog! I'm getting better at updating this thing! Yay for updates!

So, let me explain my trip. I scheduled the trip to take a fire test in Denver. The test is used by twelve different departments to draw from when they're looking for candidates to hire. I went out for a test that took me about an hour and a half to take. But I got there on Saturday night and left early Tuesday morning. A bit expensive but definitely worth it! I got in Saturday and hung out with my buddies and some of his friends that he grew up with. Sunday was full of church and meetings and home teaching. It was fun to see how the church is run out there in comparison with where I'm at. Not any differences in the doctrine. Just in the way people handle the situations in their current circumstances and environment. Interesting to watch how people act/react to life's experiences. The singles ward out there was neat. A lot of good members. Even a few cute girls I could enjoy getting to know a little better! Monday was test day, so I wasn't up too late Sunday night. Like I mentioned before, the test only took me an hour and a half. I wasn't the first one to finish. But, I was within a few minutes of him. After the test, I went out to eat with my buddy Preston and his family. Then, I relaxed for an hour or so before I picked up Preston from work and went to see his dad's training center. Quite a sight! Their fire district spent about $19 million for the fire training facility. It was totally worth it, though! It is a state-of-the-art facility with several classrooms, great fire props, and plenty of space to practice. I'm jealous! I would love to train at a facility like that! Wow! It's amazing! After the tour, Preston and I went home and ate before his FHE. Their FHE activity was glow-in-the-dark basketball which was kinda fun. I wish more people had shown up but I was happy to play with those that did. Then, I hit the sack early so I could wake up in time and not miss my flight. Kinda a whirlwind of a trip. But, it was fun! I really liked Denver! Was there anything specific that drew me there? Not that I can recall. I just really like the area and town. I have some strange attraction to the area. Really can't place a finger on what draws me to that area. I just know it's something I need to investigate and pursue. We'll see if I get a job out there or not! I haven't heard any specifics as to whether any of the twelve departments will hire or not. There were a couple maybes but no definite plans by any of them to hire in the near future. Let's hope they do! I wouldn't mind working in the Denver area!

As far as other updates in my life...

I voted today! Yay for voting! It's weird to think how passionate I was about voting this year. Over the last few months, I've done a lot of researching on candidates and issues. By no means did I become an expert on any specific subject matter. I did learn a lot about what I believe and possibly what others believe. Needless to say, I felt it was very important for me to vote. I've never been one to really discuss politics. I think it brings out too much contention and anger when people talk about it. I've had only a handful of calm, non-confrontational discussions when politics and opinions about such are brought up. I guess that's why I've always avoided the topic. So, I voted today. Felt I voted for those I could support in office. Some of my votes were rewarded with helping someone gain or stay in office. Others didn't. Some of the issues and propositions that I voted on didn't go my way, either. But, the majority of the people spoke and so I will make the most of what will be done. It will be another interesting two years. I hope the right people were elected to bring about the change that this state and country need. However, I'm a bit skeptical as to whether or not these candidates will follow through on their promises. I think we're in for another long two years of difficulties and strife. But then, I may just be too jaded...

Work is still work. For being slow, we're still quite busy. Not anything like what we've been before, but we're not dead quiet yet. I'm glad to see guests around. It gives me something to do. Intermission will be difficult. Not sure how I'll entertain myself for the several hours of nothingness that will be my shifts for the rest of this month. I'm glad to have a job; don't get me wrong. But, there are some issues that I wish would get resolved. How to bring about change in an atmosphere that sticks to the norms and fights change? I'm up for any ideas!

Family life is still difficult. Not really much I can do except pray...

Trying to keep my promise to myself and go on one date per week. Haven't done one yet this week and the week is almost half over. Better get on it! Several girls (both new and old) that I'd love to take out! We'll see how I do in asking them out...

Music has become a stronger passion in my life as of late. I've begun examining why I like certain genres more than others. As well, I've been trying to listen to the lyrics more often and try to understand what they're saying. I guess that's why I'm becoming more and more a country fan. I usually consider myself a mood guy, listening to whatever music suits my mood. But, country music has seemed to dominate my listening as of late. Am I becoming old and weird? Maybe. Am I overly concerned about it? Definitely not.

Well, that's enough rambling for the night. Now, to get ready for the rest of the morning!!!

Random ramblings...

2010-10-29T05:08:00.002-06:00

Wow! Another week has come and gone. And what do I have to show for it? Hmm...that's an interesting question. Let me see...

The beginning of the week started out normal. Church services were great, as always. Good talks and lessons. Definitely need to continually improve and get better. FHE was good. Should have stayed longer but I scheduled a date that night, too. Didn't think FHE would go so long! So, I bailed a bit earlier than expected so I wouldn't be late on a date (Hey! I rhymed!). The date was good. Still have a hard time reading that girl! Not sure if she's interested in going on more dates or not. When I'm with her, it's great! She's so kind and seems interested. But, communicating with her by other means than face-to-face gives me the impression she's not into me as much as I may be into her. Oh well! I'm taking the philosophy of asking until I get a definitive "No" or something to that effect. I'll keep you updated on that. Training at the fire department was fun. We just watched a bunch of training videos to prepare for this weekend's extrication and fire drills. That'll be lots of fun! Did get stuck up at the station for a bit while waiting for the plows to clear the roads. We got a good dumping of snow Tuesday night which continued until Wednesday afternoon. It's weird that it happened so early in the year. Must be global warming (*snicker*)! There weren't any accidents to respond to, though. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. Country dancing was fun! I do enjoy dancing more that I ever thought I would. I invited some of my friends who don't normally go to join me. Only one ended up showing up. I'm glad she showed up. I didn't think she would. She's a busy girl and has lots to do. But it was great that she showed up! A bit perplexed about the whole scenario, but that's a topic I'll have to discuss in private and not on this blog. At least, not in specifics! I also had a job interview on Wednesday with an ambulance service. It's not the ideal job I wanted with my certifications. However, it does pay better than my current job. And, it will be another reference to add to my resume to help land my dream job. That's a definite plus! As well, it will help me pursue a few potential options here in Utah while I try to figure out my interest in these girls while I still have time. The HR lady says they plan on hiring someone. Not really thinking they'll hire a paramedic since they're full of them. But, they are trying to add more to their department. So, that's good. She made it sound like I am their first option when it comes time to hire. But then I've been wrong about that before (South Jordan). Only time will tell what the outcome may be! And that wraps up the week thus far. Have work Friday night, training all day on Saturday, and then fly out to Denver for a job application that night. Will spend Halloween in Denver, which should prove to be interesting. I'll fly back from Denver on Tuesday, just in time to vote. It's weird that I feel such an urge to vote in this election. I feel much more passionate about this election than I have in years past. Why? I can't really point my finger at it. Nevertheless, I will vote and make my voice heard!

Okay. So that's my life for the past week. It sounds rather boring when I reread it. Sorry! Sleep deprivation seems to make me more blunt and less creative. I guess that's what I get for staying up so late and getting up so early! I wish I could get on a more regular schedule! But alas, I want to play too much and yet still have to work to make a living. So, I'll sneak in what little sleep I can when I can find the time to do so. But it appears that may be getting harder and harder to do if I keep taking on so much. Oh! Here are some other updates in my life!

Family - Things are good here. It was Teri and Daniel's birthdays today. Couldn't get ahold of either, so I left them voicemail messages. Hope they got them! Things seem to be going okay here. Once again, no news is good news. Things are still tense and up in the air about some difficulties. But, we'll weather the storm like we always do!

Dating - Hmm...what can I say? I'm dating around, pursuing several options. One in particular stands out above the rest. There are a few that have shown interest and that I may pursue further as well. We'll see what happens as the weeks progress! My goal of at least one date per week is going well. I only set this goal a few months back, so I can't really say I've progressed very far in it. But, even these small baby steps for me is more than I've done normally! We'll see if I get a date on Saturday while out in Denver. My friend is setting me up on a date out there. So, I'll update you if that happens, as well as other dating stories.

School - So, I haven't decided if I'll go back to school sometime in the future or not. I'm kinda burned out with the whole structured school thing. It feels relieving to be done for now. However, I do lack a few online classes to officially finish my second bachelors. But do I do it next semester or not? That's the pivotal question. My fear is I'll procrastinate until the last moment which will mean I won't take the classes this upcoming semester. But, I'm not in a great financial position to really take the needed courses. Alas! What should I do?!?

And that's all I have to say about that...

Patience is a virtue...

2010-10-23T20:29:00.003-06:00

So, I've come to realize lately that I've got more weaknesses than I'd like to admit. Before I get too in-depth with this topic, I want to clarify that in no way am I depressed and/or moping. I'm happy and content with the way things are going thus far in my life. There could be some course corrections here and there which will get me closer to my destination. However, I'm enjoying the journey!

So, about these apparent weaknesses...

I'm realizing each day that patience is not a virtue that I possess loads of. Whether it be work, school, dating, careers, family life, or any other situation, I get impatient rather easily. I'd like to blame it on society and say that they've made me into the creature that I am. However, that's using a scapegoat and not owning up to the person really responsible for my behavior (which is me). I cannot blame anyone else but myself for the way I act. I've noticed lately that my career and dating pursuits have made my impatience more and more evident to my own view. Now, maybe I'm my own worst critic in this situation. However, I think there's a lot of truth to the perspective that I have. I want things to happen on my timeline. I have a difficult time patiently waiting for things to happen the way I want. For example, I applied to a job with a certain department. They eventually called back and we went through the whole interview process. They promised that they'd have an answer in about two weeks. I was able to patiently wait those two weeks, although I hoped I wouldn't have to. It's now been well over two months and still no response. I know they've hired one guy who's still in school. He should finish up in early April. But, there were two positions open. Who'd they get to fill the other position? Or did they not fill it at all? I want to hear from them and just know whether or not the position was filled. I won't be heartbroken if they say no. At this point in time, I just assume that the answer is no. But, it's been hard for me to patiently wait on an answer from them. Is that bad of me? Another example of my impatience is in dating. I want things to happen now. It's hard for me to sit by the phone, waiting for the girl to call back. I admit that I'm not the greatest at immediately returning calls and texts. But, I do make a concerted effort to return the call or text as quickly as I can. I think it's just common courtesy to do so. But then, I've been called "old-fashioned" in many of my views. I'm trying to remain optimistic and force myself to learn this lesson of patience. I'm doing okay with it. But, I've got a long way to go before I can call it a strength...

Another wonderful virtue I lack which has been made apparent to me is my self-mutilation ploy that is so common in my conversations. I don't consider myself anything spectacular and it comes out in my conversations. Several girls have called me out on this matter. I consider myself an average guy with several talents. Nothing spectacular or amazing. Nothing where I excel beyond my peers. But, I do think I'm unique in my varied interests and likes. I'm okay at dancing, sports, work, church, school, manual labor, and a whole host of other things. There are many that excel far beyond my skill level. And, I do acknowledge that there are others who haven't reached the level of comfort that I have. There will always be those who are better and worse than I am. That's a given in life and makes this world special. A few close female friends have called me out on this ploy while dancing. They chide me about how my skills are much better than I admit to and that I should be out dancing on the floor more than I do. I just realize what I have and know that there are others out there who are far more gifted. I'm trying to work on this whole self-confidence thing and be more comfortable with who I am and what I've been given. I'd like to consider myself a more humble and reserved guy when it comes to admitting my talents. I thank God that I have been given so many. But, how do I express these gifts without coming across cocky or proud?

So, I guess that's enough of that string of conversation. On to the updates!

Umm...well...updates? I just realized that there's not really much to update the world on. Not much really has changed this past week. I did get to spend a few hours talking to a close friend. And that was awesome! I haven't seen her since she came home from her mission earlier this year. We've talked a couple times since she's been home but haven't seen each other until this past week. Glad that I could spend some time with her and get updates on her life. Family life seems a bit strained this week. Several things have gone on which has increased the stress in my immediate family's life. Not sure what to do right now but pray. I'm starting to feel a bit ostracized when it comes to updates in my own family. I think they're worried about how I'll take the news. I know they know that I care about my family and want the best for them. I think they just don't want to trouble me with the news anymore. It's not like I can do much from out here anyway. But that doesn't prevent me from worrying about them. Maybe they think that since I'm so removed from the situation that I don't fully comprehend it all. Who knows?!?

Well, that's about all my ramblings for the night. Sorry if it bores you! I'm happy that I'm learning and doing what I do, though. Yay for life's lessons!

At another crossroad in life...

2010-10-17T02:40:00.003-06:00

So, I'm trying to be a bit more consistent with this whole writing-and-updating thing. I've been told this is how several people keep up with the events of my life since I don't call regularly. With that in mind, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and write semi-regularly on my blog. It will be interesting to see the reactions I get if I keep writing in this thing. Maybe laughter? Ridicule? Surprise? Sometimes I'm not sure if people really want to know what I'm thinking. But alas, here are my ramblings for tonight...

First off, work was exhausting this week! And trying! Supposedly, the resort is going into a "slow time" right now. Since the summer season is over and the winter season has yet to begin, we're in a sort of transition phase at the resort. This is a normal thing for resorts like us. Nothing unusual about it. However, I keep hearing that we'll be slow. This weekend was anything but slow! We had a large group here of about 125. Most of them were from the East Coast. Of course, this is a different mentality than that of the West Coast people. Luckily, that wasn't too much of a factor. The whole resort was bustling with activity, trying to tailor to the needs of the group. And boy was this group needy! All of us around the resort were consistently running around with demands and needs of the guests. Each night I found myself spending the majority of the night trying to answer the many varied requests of our guests. Many of these requests were absurd and odd, but I did all that I could to meet them to the best of my abilities. They definitely tried my patience on several occasions. I guess it was a good experience for me in the fact that I learned how to become better at customer service. I just wish they weren't so demanding at times! But, I've survived thus far. Only a few more hours before this week's shifts are over. Then it really gets slow at the resort. Not sure what I'll do with my time when there's absolutely no one around here. Maybe pick up reading books again???

So, I fly out to Denver the end of this month to start the application process there for fire jobs. My buddy thinks I have a good chance of getting hired out there. I have my doubts since very few places I've heard of are hiring anybody. Maybe I'm a bit jaded after applying for so many jobs up to this point who say they'll hire but end up not doing a thing. My thoughts are that I'll believe it when I see it. I'm trying to be optimistic despite obvious sentiments of pessimism, but I'm not sure how optimistic I can remain in this difficult economy. Nonetheless, I'm going to try and get hired somewhere! Denver seems like an excellent place to work. Many friends have given me glowing reviews of the city and say how much they think I'll love it there. I'm a bit nervous about it all since I've been out here for so long now. I do enjoy a good adventure and will adjust quite quickly to a new environment/setting. Still, there does come some uncertainties when moving to a new town. I think I'd really enjoy myself out in Denver. Especially if I got a job out there. It would be a relief to finally start into a career. But I've grown so accustomed to life here that I know it won't be easy to leave all this behind. I've got so many good friends here that I would hate to leave behind. I'm sure I could make just as many in a new place, though. It will be hard to change, but maybe that's the only way I can learn, grow, mature, and get further in life. Maybe a move to Denver is just what I need! I guess we'll see what happens after the test on the 1st...

I'm starting to realize as I get older (which is kinda odd to say) I have grown to appreciate my family even more. I've always been very independent and do my own thing with little involvement from my family. Moving away from my family after my mission was not a difficult thing to do. But as I've lived out here, I've begun to miss my family even more. I don't get to see them very often since they're so far away from me. I might get to see them about every other year or so. I guess I shouldn't complain too much about it though. At least they're not in a different country! Still, I wish I could afford to see them more. Time and money are two things that I have very little of. So, I don't see them as often as I should. I've been trying to call my family more regularly. And that's not something I've been good at. In fact, I still struggle to do so. But with practice comes confidence and increased ability. And that's what I'm hoping for! I'm also trying to visit extended family more often since some of them are closer than my immediate family. Although not exactly like my immediate family, the love I feel there is good enough to get me through life. Family has become a major priority in life. Their importance in my life has increased with time. I can't point to any specifics, but the need for closeness with family members has increased as I grow older. Oh, how I love my family!

Socially, I'm still trying to get back in the saddle. Dating was never a strong point in my life. But with practice come confidence and growth. So, I've been trying to date more. Haven't had the greatest of success yet. I still consider myself inexperienced in the game of dating. I've gone on several dates this month. Nothing spectacular. Just some simple dates. I'm happy now that I'm dating again. It's something I know I need to do more of. And, I need to move on with my life. And my fear of dating is something I feel is holding me back from reaching my full potential. I'll update you later on if there's any significant "distractions" that catch my focus!!!

Obviously, you can tell what a couple of my major "crossroads" are in life curerntly: dating and a career. I have to admit that there are a couple girls who catch my fancy and that I'd love to date. At least, I think they'd be pretty fun to get to know better. But only through dating will I find out if there's more to it than just first impressions. The career hunt, however, is causing some conflict on how I date. I'm really focused on finding a career. I want to get started with that aspect of my life. However, I know that finding a wife is an even higher priority. Now, I'm not saying that there's only one place where I can find that special someone. I'm sure I could find one just about anywhere in this world. However, the statistical advantage here in Utah is definitely in a guy's favor. It's hard not to enjoy the ratio of guys-to-girls out here. And although this is putting the cart before the horse, I'm kinda scared to start a relationship with a girl here. Why? Because I don't want to start something here in Utah only to end it because I'm moving elsewhere. Sure, I guess I could help the relationship move along such that she's willing to move with me elsewhere. But I feel that in order to do that, I should probably have helped the relationship to have progressed far enough that marriage is the end result. I feel it's too much to ask a girl to move somewhere with me just on the hopes that it will turn out that way. Now take in mind that I know several girls who have done that. A good friend did it and now she's happy engaged to the man of her dreams. And I think that's awesome! But, I feel that it's an awful lot to ask of a girl. Sure, I should let her make that decision. It's not like I would force her to make that decision. Ultimately, it's her decision anyways to move and take that chance. I just feel bad even thinking I'd have to put a girl in that kind of predicament. Thus, I'm scared (at least to a certain extent) to start something here. I did take a girl on a date last week that I think would be open to discussing that idea. By no means are we at a point in our friendship that I would ask that of her. However if it were to progress to that point, I'm still not so sure I could ask that of her. It's a lot to ask of anybody. If I were married and had a wife, moving would be an easier option. At least, I think it would be easier. I would be able to counsel with her about the move and work it out that way because we'd both have to move together. Sure, making the decision as a single guy is easier since I only have to worry about myself. But, I'd hate to have a great relationship developed only to end it with a move to another place. Am I being weird about this? Am I stressing about something that is so inconsequential? Am I stressing about something that isn't even worth it? i guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Until then, I'll just worry about myself and see what I can do to make things happen in my life. But what if...

Thoughts of the day...

2010-10-12T16:52:00.004-06:00

Hmm...where to begin? Once again, I neglect to update my worthy followers on the ever chaotic (but sometimes boring) life of Tyler. I have this nasty habit of not communicating much with the outside world. Kinda a loner in that way. But alas, I'm doing my best to overcome this shortcoming! Onward and upward!

Now that I've finished school, I can no longer comment about it. Learning is something I enjoy, but I've grown uncomfortable with the structure of school. After being in school for so long, it's time for a break! And I'm glad of it! I was beginning to get a bit burned out with school. The excitement and motivation of attending school had begun to wane and I had very little motivation to go each day. That's a glaring sign that it's time to be done! At least, for a little while...

Work is work. There have been a lot of changes in the way things have been run at work. Not directly in my department but more of the overall business. A lot of people have been upset with some of the decisions that upper management has made and chosen to pursue. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I don't always agree with the direction that the business is taking, but my job depends on my support of management. So, I keep my job by supporting management in hopes that they understand the full extent of their decisions. If not, the consequences are upon their heads. I hope it all goes well! I'm still on the hunt for a paramedic job somewhere in the western US. I'll fly out to a test the end of this month. We'll see how that goes! A lot of my friends here aren't too happy about my moving. I have created a nice social network out here. But, I must pursue the best option for my chosen career. And wherever that is, I must follow. And if that means moving outside of my happy little bubble here, then so be it. I do like adventure and haven't shied away too much at a new experience. I've just become very comfortable in my current circumstances. What will be the outcome? Only time will tell!

Family life remains the same. My bond with my parents and youngest sibling seem to grow with each passing week. Who would have thought that I'd become closer to my youngest brother than with my other siblings? I certainly never would have foreseen it! I call home on a pretty regular basis, getting advice and updates. I do wish I could see my family more often. If only time and distance (and money) didn't' separate us so much! Still haven't heard much from my other three siblings. I sure hope they're doing ok. My mom says she hasn't heard much from them either, so I don't feel as bad. It's better to know I'm not the only one out of the loop when it comes to updates on the family!

My social life is slowly increasing. I've finally gotten more spare time and have made improving my social network a top priority. I've become more of a social butterfly than I ever thought I would be. I guess that's what living in the dorms for three years does to you! It's been an uphill battle trying to keep motivated to visit friends despite being so tired and worn down. I've neglected my friendships for far too long and I can see the signs of decay. But, I'm doing my best to resolve that! We'll see what the next post will bring in this area of my so-called life...

I'm learning how much I love my life up in the mountains! What a breathtaking scene to see each morning as I wake up! My dad was right: he did lose me to the mountains! I absolutely love it here! It's so green and magnificent! Even with the fall approaching and the colors changing, it's still a magnificent sight to see!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

It's been awhile....

2010-06-21T04:56:00.002-06:00

Wow! It's been awhile since I've sat down and actually written on this thing! Scary! I've been so busy the last year or so that I haven't had time to slow down and reflect on my life. Reflection is a good thing every now and again. It verifies that you're on the path that you want to be! So this is me coming up for air...

School. What can I say about it? It's consumed my life. Everything and anything I do currently has some tie (whether small or big) to school. I can't believe I've been in school this long. I'm going on 7 years now in college. And all I'll have to show for it will be two bachelor's degrees. I guess that's not bad. Would be nice if I could quickly add a job to the accomplishments attached with graduating. But, only time will tell if that's true or not! Don't get me wrong, I love learning! It's fun to challenge yourself and open your eyes to new possibilities. And trust me, I've learned A LOT over the past few years! It's been good. Currently, most of that information is a jumbled mess inside my head. I need to sort and file all of it and try and make it into some semblance of order. Do you think I could hire a secretary to do that for me???

Work is a thing that I know very little of currently. School literally runs my life. So, I'm not able to work consistently every week. I try and get at least two shifts a week. Sometimes I'm successful. Sometimes I'm less than perfect. My bank account reflects the fact that I haven't worked very much recently. I think I've got an average balance of $1.25 for the last few months. Luckily, I'm not homeless just yet. As school wraps up, hopefully I can pick up some overtime along the way and augment the last few months of debt. Sundance is still a gorgeous place. I still do enjoy working here each and every chance I get. I realize that it's probably not a career option for me to remain here. But, it will get me through until I find that opportunity.

Family life is chaotic. Much has happened. More than I'd like to include in this blog. Between losing an uncle to a heart attack, having a mom and brother suffer some medical issues, having a sister go off the deep end, and having my own health teetering, things have been, I guess you would say, hectic. I'm ever so grateful for the bond that I have with my family and being able to step back occasionally and see the bigger picture. Otherwise, there would be many justifiable reasons not to associate with them. But, I sure do love them, despite all of our faults! In reality, they're the glue that keeps me together. Without them, I would have fallen apart long ago. Thank God that I have a great family!

Hmm...I'm not sure what else to write. There's nothing really pressing that I feel the need to write at the moment. I'm sure there's something amazing or exciting that I could post on here. Maybe it's my lack of sleep that's hampering me from writing more. Until next time...

What a beautiful mess (better known as my life)!

2009-11-18T13:14:00.003-07:00

I guess I ought to update this thing since I haven't been on here in several months...

My life is great! I'm having so much fun! I've been so busy with things that I don't get much downtime anymore. It's good to keep busy with productive things, but I do wish occasionally for some downtime where I could do nothing but relax. Maybe someday in the future (probably when I'm old and bald) it will happen. Until then, I've gotta make the most out of every moment!

The semester is now winding down. I've done pretty well overall. Not perfect, but pretty good. I only took two classes this term. Didn't want to overwhelm myself too much. Both classes were pretty difficult, too, which had me studying fairly hard to keep a good grade in them. The semester officially ends on December 10th, so I've got a couple more weeks (and a few more exams) to finish before I can officially focus on the holidays. I am enrolled for next semester, too. I'm planning on taking a bit bigger load this upcoming term, though. We'll see how that works out!

Work is work. I'm loving it, don't get me wrong. Being at Sundance is an opportunity and a blessing. It is a job, however, and not a career for me. I try and be as productive as possible while I am at work. However, that is difficult in the middle of the night when I've already done most of the things that are required or suggested I complete. I am learning a lot about resort operations and how to better manage a resort facility. Hopefully I'll get to use these skills in the near future if I can find a job in resort management somewhere in the U.S. We're getting ready for the winter season up there, so things are abuzz. From making snow to selling season passes to winterizing buildings and equipment, everyone is busy. Most of us can't wait for the season to open on the 11th of December. Not only will business pick up again, but we can finally play in the snow! Yay!

Church has taken a more prominent role in my life. With my calling, I'm always trying to coordinate efforts and work towards strengthening the ward members. It's hard trying to balance this with school and work. I'm not always the easiest person to reach since I stay so busy. As well, I don't feel like I'm completely myself on Sundays since I'm coming off of very little sleep. I try my hardest to be awake and alert at all the meetings and magnify my calling as best as I can. I just feel like I fall short on a regular basis. I've been told I'll get some counselors soon to help ease the burden and work that I've got. I've yet to see it happen, though. I sure hope it happens soon!

No updates in my social life. Still in the same position as I was several months ago. I haven't allowed much time for anything to develop in this area, though. I've been pretty focused on other things. I probably should start working on this, eh?

One more day...

2009-08-03T17:17:00.002-06:00

So, here I go again! I have this great habit of overwhelming myself with so many things that I don't allow for things that I want, and sometimes should, do. I guess it's a habit I haven't learned how to break just yet. Whether it's a bad habit or not is yet to be determined...

Work is work, like always. I'm loving my job at Sundance, but it does make for a long weekend. And since I only work on weekends, it makes it feel longer. I'm realizing now how hard the graveyard shifts are and I am gaining a greater appreciation for those who do them. I find ways to entertain myself when no one is around. Of course, there are things that need to get done and I do those things when called upon to do them. But there's a lot of downtime. And by a lot, I mean A LOT of downtime. I'm finding it is usually a good time to read my chapters and catch up on homework I didn't do during the day. I've also used a good majority of the time to research jobs and careers, as well as rearrange my schedule a time or two (ok, so MANY times). I think I've settled in to the requirements that the job has and have created my own standard for what I need to do each night and how to get it done. Gotta make the job my own! Hopefully I can stay with this job for awhile. I'm tired of jumping from job to job!

School is going well. I've never been a fan of being in school during the summer. Luckily, I've never really had to go to summer school. Unless you count driver's ed. Now, talk about a hot classroom! Other than that, I've avoided any time of educational pursuit during the summer months until now. I only had one class which I had to attend in a classroom, which was nice. It was in the afternoon, which made for an uncomfortable classroom experience. Lucky for me and my classmates, we didn't have to sit too long. And, we had regular breaks where we could grab a drink to cool us off. And, it was an engaging class so it didn't lend too well to falling asleep. But that's a good thing! This week is the last week of class for the summer term. Glad I made it through it all! Now, I'm nervously anticipating the arrival of fall term. I've got another full school schedule planned. Should prove to be fun! I think I'll enjoy this semester quite a bit. It will be challenging, but it will be a fun challenge rather than a drudgery. Kinda shocked at the courses I've picked out for myself, but I sure will love the chance to excel at it!

Family life seems good. My immediate family is all over, causing chaos wherever we go. Don't actually hear too much from my sister Teri and brother BJ. They've kinda been keeping to themselves recently. Not that this is abnormal for my family. We're all kinda keep to ourselves and don't publicize things too often. My youngest two brothers seem to be doing well. One got in trouble with the law recently and now is paying for it. Luckily, he won't have to go to jail for any of it. It saddens me to see all of my younger siblings making stupid choices. Not that I haven't made my fair share of them, though. I see their mistakes and hope that I don't repeat them. They aren't as happy as they could be if they were to choose a better path. But it is their choice and I cannot force them down a path they do not want to go on. I just hope they change some things around soon! My extended family seems to be doing well. One of my cousin's husband just left for basic this past week. I know she's a bit anxious about it, having her husband so far away. I know she'll be able to handle it and their relationship will be stronger because of it! Not really much else to report on from the family otherwise...

Still as single as ever. I laugh about how often this is a topic of my blogs, but it is relevant to my current circumstances! Here's a list of potentials I'd consider dating: Christine, Nicki, Sarah, Amanda, Tiffany, along with a few others. I know, I know. People are going to ask me what I'm doing about any of them. Right now, I'm trying to get myself in order to be able to do something with at least one or two of them. However, it hasn't happened just yet. Time will tell if I'm successful at it! (Watch there be several people following this blog and try to figure out who each of the names listed above are...)

Overall, life is great! I can't complain about much at all! Some days I wish I could complain, but then I remember how great I've got it and how fortunate I really am! I really am blessed to be living the life I have! Sure, there could be things in my life that would make it better. But why focus on something I don't have while neglecting to appreciate what I do have! Gotta love life! It's great!

Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!

2009-06-14T22:56:00.002-06:00

So it has been a rather *wet* week so far for me. I think it has rained almost every day this week! Luckily, there have been periods of sun intermixed with the rain. I do like the rain, though. It does make things greener. But, it's so hard to work outside when it's always raining!

Work this week was fun! It was my first week at Sundance. I worked my last day at Provo Parks on Monday. Kinda took several people off-guard that it was my last day. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, so it caught people by surprise. I started at Sundance on Tuesday. Tuesday was just orientation, giving me the general feel of how things work across the resort. Thursday was full as it was my first day working. I shadowed Scott from 6 am to 9 pm that night. Lots to learn! But, I think I got most of it down. I was suppose to be off at 6 that night, but the replacement didn't come in until 9. The whole scheduling thingy was messed up for that night. Oops! I guess I got more hours that night, so it wasn't all that bad. Friday night I shadowed Missi to learn what's required of me during the night shift. Nothing too difficult to figure out. Saturday Missi came in for a few hours and then left me alone the rest of the night to handle all of the resort's needs. Kinda weird to be on my own, but I was up for the challenge! The schedule for the next few weeks should be coming out tomorrow sometime. At least, that was what I was told. I sure hope it does so I can start making some summer plans!

Church has been keeping me busy lately as well. Supposedly the other quorum presidency is going to be changing and that shifts all their responsibilities to our quorum presidency. And we're still not completely organized ourselves yet! It's crunch time for us! I think we're going to get together this week or next week and sort through all our responsibilities. Home teaching seems like a daunting task! But, I like challenges!

School has added more stress to my life. I started my EMT course this week, so that was fun. I missed one class, though, which means I need to find time to make up the class sometime soon! I gotta remember to stay on top of the assignments and review the information regularly. I don't want to fail the test come August! Still staying on top of the firefighting class, so that's good. Need to interview a few more people for some reports. Not too much of a rush yet, though.

I really need help making up my mind about my social life! Too much drama for me! Anyone want to help me out and give me advice on the "situations"???

So, I'm GREAT at writing on this blog! (NOT!)

2009-06-06T14:11:00.002-06:00

So, I realized that I haven't written on this thing in awhile again. I kinda feel guilty that I haven't written on it. I should keep it updated more regularly so that others can keep up with my life's happenings! I'm sure there are tons of people who read this, anxiously awaiting my posts! Okay, so maybe not. I really doubt that anyone really keeps up regularly with this blog. But for those who may occasionally read this, here are my recent happenings!

First, I've started going back to school again. I'm only taking two classes this summer: EMT-Basic and Intro to Firefighting. Nothing too strenuous. It will require a bit more of my time to keep up with things, but it's nothing that I can't handle. Hopefully I pass everything so that I'll be one step closer to my career!

Next, work is crazy! I have worked for the Provo Parks Department since April and have enjoyed working for them. There are a few things that made the job challenging, but it wasn't anything that dampened my spirits. However, I just got a new job working for Sundance. I interviewed for a part-time Safety Officer position and was hired! Yea for me! However, a full-time position opened up and they gave me that position instead. I start orientation on Tuesday and will probably officially start work on Thursday. I was going to start training last Friday, but I was told I must go through orientation before starting training. We'll see how everything goes! I'll have to update the blog when I know!

Next, family stuff is going well. My family is all off doing their own stuff. Things seem to be alright everywhere for everyone. They're all trying to make a run at whatever they're involved with. Some are doing better than others at that. Overall, though, we seem to be happy. Nothing has happened which should be of concern to anyone.

Church stuff has become more time-consuming as well. I recently got called as the 1st counselor in the Elders Quorum Presidency in my ward. Wow! They got me! The rumor has been that they've thrown around my name for several months for a calling in the Elders Quorum Presidency, but I've been able to differ the attention. Now, they've caught me! It's not that I don't want the calling. It's a privilege to have the opportunity to serve and bless other's lives. I was just hoping for a calling that didn't require as much time. It's been nice to be so involved in the ward's activities and plans. However, I wish I wasn't so tired from doing it! But, it's a nice trade-off: time for opportunities to serve those I love and care about.

Now, many may wonder what's happening in my social life. It's actually been quite dead for a bit. I've just thrown myself in so many other things (school, work, church) that I haven't put much emphasis and time on dating. I do hang out occasionally with my friends. Unfortunately, it's becoming a rarity for me to hang out with them. And, it's been well over two months since I've been on a date. Kinda sad, eh? Trust me! There are several girls I'm interested in. I just haven't made time to ask them on dates! I know, I know. I am always telling people that if it's a priority in life, they'll make time for it. Right now, I'm not the best at following my own advice. Sad, eh? My ex would like to get together again, but I'm not sure I want to just yet. I'd love to take out a former co-counselor from EFY, but I'm not sure if it will work out. There are a couple girls that are on missions that I'd love to date when they get back. The question is whether or not I can wait for them to get home. As well, there are a few girls in my wards that I wouldn't mind asking out. But, we'll see what happens!

Another post...

2009-01-25T18:45:00.002-07:00

Wow! So, I haven't written in this thing in awhile (again). I guess this is a reoccuring habit, eh? I'm trying! Not that very many people read this thing anyways. Oh well! For the select few that do actually read this, here's the update!

Work is still going good. I'm afraid that I'm getting burnt out a bit, but I'm managing. I do really enjoy the work up here. I just feel kinda lost at what to do since they can only keep me on for so long. The thought of being let go looming over my head isn't exactly an uplifting thought. I'm seriously trying to find a job, but I haven't had much luck yet. I've got a couple interviews lined up, but not sure where those will go. Hope for the best!

My fire class is going good. I'm learning a lot and trying to do my best. I'm no superstar, but I'm really loving the experience. I'm officially running with the volunteer fire crew up here in the canyon and that's a lot of fun. Good camraderie and expereince. I sure hope I pass the class in March and get certified! That will ease a lot of my stress!

Not much else really going on here. Just a guy, trying to make a run at it in this world. I have gone dancing quite a bit the last few weeks. And that makes me happy!!! No new news in the dating scene. There are a few girls I've got my eyes on, but I haven't made any moves yet. Most of these girls are unreachable (on missions, elsewhere in the country/world). I think my family is doing good. Things seem to be fine from all the reports that I've gotten. Overall, I'm happy and enjoying life. I have very little to complain about right now, which is great! I do wish, however, that I could improve a couple of things. But that will happen in time! Yea!

A new year!

2009-01-08T21:40:00.002-07:00

Hmm...it's kinda odd to think that it's already 2009. I can't believe it! Another year has come and gone. Due to the new year, I've decided to fall into the commonality of evaluating the past year and set aspirations for the upcoming one. I wouldn't call it a New Year's Resolution, only hopes and dreams and an occasional goal or two. It's weird to see how my priorities have shifted over this past year. Things that once were so crucial seem so insignificant now. I'm not where I thought I would be a year ago, but that's not necessarily bad. Just different. It's fun for me to think of the potential that this upcoming year has and what can be done with it. Who knows where I'll be next year!?!

Not much has happened the past few weeks. The holidays were good. Spent most of it hanging out with friends. I didn't go home this year, a first for me, due to my work schedule and other conflicts. Kinda felt odd to be away from family during the season that we all focus so much on them. Didn't really do anything miraculous or exciting. Just a nice, relaxing kind of holiday. Work has become a large part of my life (since there's not much else going on in my life currently). I've become more and more of a workaholic as each week passes. I really ought to add more to my life, but I just haven't found the venue to do such. Church remains the same. I seem to associate with only a core group of friends at church, although I try to branch out and mingle with others. I don't seem to get too far, though. The job hunt remains the same: nothing is happening. It's hard to find employment when everything around is so tightened and stressful. I'm remaining optomistic about the future and looking at several options. One new option I have considered is returning to school to pursue a different degree. Firefighting has become a growing passion within me, and I've debated over whether to pursue a career in firefighting or not. It does go well with the degree I've already got, so that's not an issue. Financing further educational pursuits is really the only concern that I have. We'll see what I decide!

Let it snow!!!

2008-12-16T21:19:00.003-07:00

So, here comes my ramblings for the day! Not sure what's gonna come out on this, but here's to trying!

So, it's snowed quite a bit up here at AG. I think at the current moment, we've gotten a little over 2 feet of snow! Isn't that exciting?!? I know it is for me! We've had a steady snowfall since Saturday, so that's nice. We've been waiting quite awhile for some snow to fall! I know Sundance has been begging for some snow up to now. Now Sundance has the largest base amogst all the ski resorts of Utah. Pretty nice, eh? I sure hope it keeps up like this! It did, however, stop snowing at around 4 today. But the forecast calls for snow well into next week. I guess that means that we'll be looking forward to more white stuff for at least the next two weeks! Yea! Driving in it hasn't been the greatest, though. It's been rather hard to get around with all the snow on the ground. It's been a powdery snow, so that's a good thing. But, it's taken forever for the plow trucks to get up here and plow, so that means that we're stuck here until they do. I've seen them come up occasionally. Maybe two or three times each day. And that's definitely not enough for us right now! There hasn't been too many accidents though. At least ones that I've heard of. It's been a fairly quiet couple of days. It has hurt our work schedule since it's hard for people to get up here. So, that leaves us who live here to pick up the slack and handle all the camp's needs. I guess that means more work time for me!

Not much else to say here. I'm still the same, I guess. Slowly getting over Christine. It's been hard, but I'm handling it better with each passing day. I have reverted back to my "shy guy" mentality when it comes to girls. Still can't ask girls out on dates like I want to. I'll get there soon! Family seems to be good. No news is good news, right? Work plans are still up in the air. Haven't gotten any news in that direction either. Maybe at the beginning of next year?

My random ramblings for the day...

2008-12-14T21:34:00.002-07:00

So, I once again return to the blog to write all my random feelings for the past few days. Really not sure what I'll say, but I think I'm just gonna write and see what comes out! I won't promise that it will make any sense to anyone, so don't judge! This is just gonna be the random ramblings of a 26 year old guy trying to stay awake for a few moments...

First, the last few weeks at work have been crazy. We've been doing two Christmas dinners a night for the past two weeks. It's been kinda crazy. One, we as staff haven't started our work day until 2 pm, which is quite a change from 8 am. That only means we work until 10 that night to get our 8-hour day in. Two, we've had to call up some help from past staff members to help with the crowds. There's so much that has to be done with the banquets that it was nice to have a bit of extra help here and there. Three, each dinner has been a unique experience. Some wards come up here and eat everything we put out, even going to the point of asking for more. Others hardly eat the first helping of food that we put out for them, so we have tons of leftovers. I have seen many friends who have come up with their wards, so that's kinda fun. It was a bit rough trying to meet the demands of the groups when we weren't prepared for some of their requests. But, we learned to be flexible and adjust as quickly as we could to their changing needs. It's funny to think how many people came and how many chose not to even come up. On average, I think there were about 3 to 4 empty tables with each group that came up. For a large group, that's okay. But for a group of only 100? Well, let's just say we found it as a waste of the ward budget! But, I did get to enjoy having either turkey or ham for 14 days straight! I guess I shouldn't complain all that much now should I?!?

Church stuff is going well. Still have two callings. Still glad that they haven't called me as the other Elder's Quorum President! It's not that I'm not worthy. It's that I don't really want the responsibility. I'm fully content being in a less-visible position in the church. I've seen some of the stuff they've had to deal with and it's not something that I'm coveting to be! Plus, I've already served in two different presidencies, so I'll let someone else have the experience! I'm enjoying my calling. Haven't really done much with it, though. But, there's really not much I can do with it anyway. As long as I'm at the ward activities, I'm magnifying my calling!

As far as family goes, things seem to be okay. No new news to report. My family has said that "No news is good news", but I'm kinda scared about that mentality. Yeah, it's good to hear nothing because that mean things aren't getting worse! But, the whole situation isn't all that good in the first place, so I'm not sure no news is really good news in this case. Things do seem to be going well from what I've heard thus far. No improvements, though. So, I keep praying and hoping for the best! I guess that all I can do for right now...

As far as my social life goes, things haven't changed since the last update. I have gotten over my bitterness towards girls. I guess that would be a good thing if I ever want to go on another date, eh? I'm afraid to admit that I was pretty bitter for awhile. I've slowly moved on past that stage and I'm trying to get on with my life. But now that I have to start back at square one, I've become the wuss that I normally am. I've reverted back to being the outgoing guy in the group scenes but being too shy, timid, and fearful when it comes to asking girls on a date. Something my dad said to me recently kinda hit hard. He said I need to make sure my actions truly reflect my priorities in life. If my priorities aren't matching my actions, I need to change my actions. And he said it's very evident that my actions are matching my priorities. I guess that's a good thing, eh? I have wanted to ask a couple girls out on first dates since things went sour in my last relationship. However, I've wussed out at every opportunity that I've had to ask the girls. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was fine when I was dating a girl, but now that I'm single it's like I can't even carry a conversation with them! It's pitiful! A couple of my friends have tried to encourage me to do it, but I just can't seem to muster the courage to do it! It's really sad! I really shouldn't be like this anymore! But alas, I am becoming more of a wuss each day. Maybe it's a fear of getting hurt? Or maybe I'm just too lazy? Or maybe it's that I'm loving single life too much to want anything else? Well, the latter might only be partially true. I just need to get out of this rut that I'm in and get back on my feet! And I know I can do it! I just gotta believe that I can do it!

As far as careers and jobs go, nothing has changed there either. I've applied to several jobs, but haven't heard from all of them yet. I hope to hear back from some of them next weekend, but I'm gonna call them this week and check up on things. With all this insecurity about jobs, I've also played around with the idea of going back to school. I think I want to go back and become a firefighter. Becoming a firefighter would help me in so many ways, too! One, it adds more credibility to my degree in recreation management. Two, there are a lot more opportunities in firefighting than there are in recreation management at the moment. Three, a few of my buddies really want me to join their crews! And I'd love to work with them, but I need to get some training first. Four, it has been a childhood dream to play on big trucks and put out fires! Five, what boy doesn't love playing with fire?!? Six, firefighting pays a bit better than recreation management jobs. And seven, we'll always need firefighters! We may not always need people to run resorts. So, we'll see if that becomes a serious option in the next six months to a year!

Well, that's about it! That's a pretty good rundown of my life up to this point in time. If you have any suggestions to any of the above, please let me know! I'd be glad to receive any assistance that I can get!

So, I guess I'm a bit off lately...

2008-12-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. Writing in this thing repeatedly will be a record. I'm not one for writing in this kind of thing on a regular basis. But, I'm finding with time that writing feelings down is very theraputic for me. It's not the best method of communication, but it's better than no communication at all!

So, I think I scared a lot of people with my last post. I apologize for those who had to witness one of my "down" moments. I needed to vent and that happened to be the method and means for me to vent at the moment. It's been a rough month for me. I'm trying my best to stay as optomistic and positive about the future. I know things will eventually work out. They always do. It's just being patient and weathering the storm through it all. I've prayed for patience and hoped the Lord would teach me how to become more patient. I guess this is my chance to do so!

I'm feeling better today. Working outside is another way I seem to deal with my feelings. I like being able to exert energy into projects. It's a productive way to release tension that builds up inside of me. And, I can think a bit clearer when I'm doing some type of manual labor. Call me weird, but it works wonders for me! Went to my FHE tonight. Was kinda fun. Tried to forget a lot of things. However, had a disturbing call during FHE which drew me back into the drama that is my life right now. I hope that I was able to calm them down and resolve a bit of the issues that are there. We'll see when I hear the news tomorrow! Still not sure what to do about my girl issues. I really do need to get back into the dating scene and start from square one again. It's so hard to pick up the pieces and figure out how to start again. I'm learning better each time it happens on the best way to pick myself back up. I'm not saying I've perfected the method; I'm only saying that I'm learning how to better handle it. I joked with my mom today about getting an arranged marriage set up for me. I don't think she liked the idea. I don't think she completely knows what I want and look for in a girl. So, I guess that option probably wouldn't work out so well. I think I've bought into the Hollywood notion of how "true love" is suppose to be. I hate admiting it, but that would be kinda nice to have. I know it's not real but I find myself strangely wanting to believe it. I need to snap out of this mentality that I'm in! It's doing me no good at all! Anyone got a suggestion?!?

Tonight I Wanna Cry...

2008-12-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

***Be forewarned before reading this post! It's just me venting...***

So, the title to this post goes well with my feelings currently. At least, except for the drunk part. I read over the lyrics recently and I've realized that I just need a good cry. I'm not one to let my feelings show very often. I'm a guy! We're suppose to be the strong, silent type. We guys don't show our softer side and cry. At least, we don't show that side around the lady folk. But, I'm to the point where I've gotta let my feelings show and let them come. It kinda stinks being so emotional about stuff! But I really wanna cry right now...

There's been so much that's gone on lately. First, family life has been less than perfect. I love my family to death! I'd do anything for them! But, some of them have made choices that affect the rest of the family. Between an unwed pregnancy, divorces, and tension between family members, it's hard for me to deal with it all. Lucky for me (I guess), I haven't had enough energy to worry and stress too much about this aspect of my life. It hurts me deeply to know that some members of my family are making choices that will hurt themselves. I can't do a thing about it, though. All I can do is be supportive and show my love for them, no matter what choices they may make. It hurts so much to see them choose this path! It's not that I've been down that path, but I have witnessed others go down that path and it is not pleasant. I love them so much to see them throw away so many precious things. Not to be jealous, but they're throwing away things that I, myself, haven't had the chance to enjoy. I know their choices are their own and that they'll suffer whatever consequences may come. I just wish they wouldn't have to go through all that hurt that awaits them!

Next, the job hunt has been less than fruitful. I've tried several places within my degree's emphasis but to no avail. I've been told by almost everyone that I don't fit enough of the qualifications. Really they mean that I don't have enough work experience to qualify for the job. I know I've got a lot of things that I could put on there that would get me close to their qualifications, but probably not enough to secure me the job. It's just frustrating that I can't find a job! It's come to the point where I just want to find a decent job to pay the bills. I almost don't really care where it is, which can be kinda scary. With the economy the way it is, it's hard to find a decent job! And even if I find one, I've gotta be qualified for it. And then if I get the offer, I'm scared I won't have the job too long! With all the layoffs going around, it's just a scary time to be looking for employment.

Next, relationship stuff has been stressful. I thought I had a chance to go somewhere with my recent girlfriend. We've had some rocky spots along the way so far, but nothing I thought was much of a threat. However, she's been really distant lately. Her standoffishness has kinda scared me. Her actions would say one thing and her words would say something entirely different. I never knew what to believe, which left me in limbo on what to do. We had an awkward DTR a week before my birthday. It was good to hear how she felt things were going and I tried to express some of my feelings. Didn't get out as much as I wanted to. Since then, things between us were weird. She went all out for my birthday, which was cool. But, that was it. I got an message from her this week that was rather vague and confusing. Couldn't really make out what she was really trying to say. From what I could understand from the message, she said that I was perfect for her, but something was missing that wouldn't let her continue on. What that missing thing was, I don't know. So, I responded the best way I could. I laid it all out on the line and let her know exactly how I felt. For once in my life, I was brave. I told her that I am falling in love with her but didn't want to pressure her into anything. I got her response today. We're now just friends. A few friends and family members have told me to keep the friendship going just in case things change. I'm thinking that they may never change between us. I'll keep the friendship open but will look elsewhere. Needless to say, I've been very bitter and stressed about girls lately. Dating is slipping on my priority list again. I need to get out of this rut that I'm in if I'm ever going to get married...

So, tonight I wanna cry. I so need a shoulder to cry on. It takes a lot of self-control to hide the tears and feelings I have inside. Putting up the facade saying that everything is okay has been a struggle lately. Surprising enough, I've had a lot of self-control about it. How long that lasts is really the question of the night. I don't know how long I can hold things back before letting it go. Here are the lyrics to the song by Keith Urban:

"Tonight I Wanna Cry"

Alone in this house again tonight

I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me

The way that it was and could have been surrounds me

I'll never get over you walkin' away

[Chorus:]

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control

But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain

To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain

From my eyes

Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on

"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone

Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better

But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I'll find a way to be happy! I promise! Like all things in this life, it hurts in the moment but I always get through it somehow. And looking back, I'll probably laugh at how silly I am during the whole predicament. The Lord will bless me eventually with all my heart's desires as I continue to be patient and press onward. But tonight, I'm gonna cry...

Thanks!

2008-11-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to add a list of things I'm really grateful for. This list has brightened my day and made me happier. It's been an interesting last few weeks, so I needed to make a list like this to brighten my day. Here it is!

Things I Am Thankful For On 11/20 (in no particular order):

1) Living in this nation of freedom and choices

2) My membership in the LDS Church

3) Serving a mission in Canada

4) My family!

5) Having a job

6) Getting close to finishing my internship

7) Good responses on my senior capstone project (survey instrument)

8) Feeling the love of my Heavenly Father on a regular basis, especially when I need it most

9) Trials and for the opportunity they give me to learn and grow

10) Being blessed in so many ways, including ones I regularly take advantage of and don’t recognize

11) My truck…

12) The Atonement of Jesus Christ

13) Modern day prophets and apostles

14) Agency and all that it allows me to do

15) Warm blankets to cuddle up in

16) A view of the stars in the mountains

17) People being patient with me even when I’m trying their patience

18) Good food

19) Being adopted into a great family

20) Opportunity to go to college

Just another day...

2008-11-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

So, I once again journey to the site of this blog to write the happenings of my ever-so exciting life. At least, I'd like to think it was exciting. In all reality, there's really not much to report. Life for this simpleton is good. Things have kinda settled down this week for me, so I've had a lot of time to think about things and where I'm going with this life of mine. Kinda an evaluation of where I am and where I want to be. It's been kinda fun to reflect and meditate on these topics. All should try it! It's really refreshing!

So, here are some short updates on my life...

Work is going good. I seem to be getting a lot of managerial expereinces here lately. I definitely enjoy the supervisory role, although I try not to let the power get to my head. I work hard and expect others to do the same. I'm kinda sad that this employment will end soon for me. I kinda wish they could keep me on in a full-time, managerial position. But alas, it's not going to happen (at least, not right now). So, I'm making the most of the experience while I can. A lot of the management is relieved that I'm staying on so that during the winter they won't have to train the new staff. They'll make me do a lot of it! Which is always scary, but fun, too! So, we'll see how the rest of November and December goes (and however long I last in this job)!

Church, a topic I don't discuss regularly on my blog (if at all) is going good. I've finally gotten a calling in the ward after being in the ward for over 3 months. I'm now the 2nd Counselor in the Ward Mission Presidency (or whatever you want to call it). It's kinda fun, although I still have no idea what I'm doing. I'm relieved, however, that I didn't get the calling that I thought they'd give me. They keep throwing my name around for this calling still, even though they've already given me a calling. I wouldn't be shocked if they released me from my current calling only to call me to the other one. We'll see how it works out, though! I'm sure there are tons of others that need the opportunity to have that calling! And let's be honest, I really don't want that calling if I can avoid it! Not that I'm unworthy; I just don't want the responsibility attached with that calling. And, I feel so inadequate to have such a calling! There are others much better suited and able to fill the needs of that calling over what I can offer. But, we'll see what happens!

As far as my dating life is going, things are good. Mostly just frustrated with myself on things. I can't seem to say the simple three word statement "I love you". It just isn't coming out! It's not that I don't mean it or want to say it. I really do want to say it to her! But, I just can't get myself to say it when there's an opportunity to say it. I really do care about her and want to tell her how I feel. I am fearful about how she feels about me. I don't really want to ask her how she feels, although inside I'd really like to know. I mostly just want to share with her how I feel and see where things go from there. Hopefully for the best! Other than that, not much else to report there!

Torn...

2008-11-12T23:55:00.001-07:00

So, I'm torn about a lot of things in my life. Kinda wish it wasn't so hard to make some of these decisions. I trust that the Lord will help me along my path towards my goals and aspirations, but it's so hard when so much in my life is so unsure. I'm learning to trust and rely upon the Lord for everything because I've learned that I can't do it on my own. Every time I've tried to do things entirely on my own, I trip and fall and make a big mess. Luckily, I've been able to learn from most of these falls and have slowly improved and progressed (although sometimes it's been painstaking slow). I don't know where to go from here. Do I stick around? Or do I venture out into the wide unknown and delve into new expereinces? If I do go elsewhere, I leave so much behind that I've worked so hard to develop and establish. If I stay, I'm putting my trust in things that are just as unstable as if I were to go elsewhere. It's so hard to make the decision! I'm not sure what I'm doing and where I'm going. There are certain things I'd really like to work out, if it's in my best interest. However, it is yet to be seen if all these things are truly in my best interest. I've learned lately not to "put all my eggs in one basket" and depend entirely on a specific thing to work out for me. I've been burned several times in the past year or so where I can remember distinctly being surprised at the curveball that I've been thrown. I've managed to survive the changes in my life and weather the "storms" well. It appears, though, that I'm facing a whole new storm with completely different challenges and opportunities. I pray daily for the peace to know what is right or at least where to go. I've learned not to press the issue as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, only to know that what I am doing or should be doing is right. And, I have received some confirmation affirming that I'm on the right path. I'm scared because I'm at a crossroad. In one aspect, I choose this option and possibly forego an awesome opportunity that could arise if I were to be just patient and wait it out. But then again, that's a hope and not yet a reality (and only time will tell if it becomes reality). But if I stay, there's no promising that things will work out for me. In another aspect, I can choose to stay and develop things and work towards a great opportunity. However, I am once again relying that things will work out. It is yet to be seen whether or not this opportunity will pan out for me. There's too many assumptions going on to be fully confident where this is going. So many choices with little defined direction. Each decision has good opportunities no matter which I choose. But which one will help me achieve those life-long goals that I have? Is it the quick fix of starting over? Or do I patiently wait it out and hope for the best? Oh how lost I feel!

Another update! Aren't you excited?!?

2008-11-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

So, I'm really not sure where this is going. But, here goes nothing! I'm sure gonna try to update you on all the happenings of my life!

First, I'm up in the air about a job again. I found out officially that my current job cannot keep me on full time. They were working towards that and wanted me to stay if they could arrange it. They were going to give me benefits and everything! But with the economy and politics as unsure as things are, they just couldn't offer me anything. It's understandable. They stalled giving me a firm answer as long as they could so that they could hold out to see if there were even the slightest chance of hiring me full-time. All they could offer me is 910 hours with no benefits. If I were to work full-time, that would only get me until mid-May. After that, I'd be unemployed. They did tell me that if I were to find full-time employment any time in between there, then I wouldn't be obligated to stay. I'd be free to leave with their blessing. So, that's kinda nice. So, I'll probably take that offer. But, I haven't had the best of luck finding other employment. The first job I applied for had over 80 applicants apply to the job. I don't think I was anywhere near the top of their list. I just applied for a few jobs today. Hope I get one of them!

As far as my dating life goes, things are going great. Can't complain by any means. She's a gorgeous girl with a great personality. As corny as this sounds, I don't know how I got so lucky to be dating her. I really don't! She makes me so happy on so many different levels. I just love being with her! It's so great! I haven't said a couple key words that might help the relationship move forward (mainly the words "I love you"). I'm kinda scared to see what will happen when I do say those words. I do mean them, though. That's for sure. I know where I'd like this relationship to go. I'm just scared as to what it means. This is a new path for me. I'm unsure of where to go and what to do in this situation. But, I'm willing to give it a go if she's willing to join me on the journey!

It snowed today up here in the mountains! I'm so excited! It was kinda weird, I admit. The weathermen have predicted for about a week now that we'll have snow. Only today did we finally get the snow that they've been predicting. I finally got to use the snow plow, so that was exciting. Snow is always fun! I just wish I had more time (and money) to go out and enjoy it!

Oh happy day!

2008-10-19T22:34:00.000-06:00

So, not much really to report on this week (at least, I think so). It's been a slow week this past week. Work wasn't too stressful this week. We didn't have too many people in camp this week, so I mostly winterized around camp. There was lots to do, but it wasn't too difficult to do it. It was fun week.

As far as the relationship is going, it's going good. Can't complain at all. As the weeks pass, I seem to like her more and more. And, I'm getting along with her really well. Better than I thought, actually. We've had lots of good conversations and have been together almost every day this past week. Those of you who know me know that being with one girl that much is amazing! That doesn't usually happen in my life. And being with a girl that much is taxing. But through it all, I am so happy and excited to be with her. I miss those days when I don't get to see and/or talk to her (which lately hasn't been very often). We'll see where this all goes!

Falling never felt so good!

2008-10-17T17:21:00.000-06:00

So, I think I'm falling for this girl. It's something I've never felt before. Kinda exciting, scary, nerve-racking, and happy all mixed together. Wasn't sure if I'd get to this point in my life. I've become really comfortable with my single life (finally). And now, when I least expect it, a girl comes along and wows me. I've known this girl for a bit, but I've always been so scared to do anything about it. Despite the my outward appearance of being an outgoing, confident guy, I'm really one of the shyest guys you'll ever meet. So when things started working out between us, I got scared. In fact, I'm still scared. I don't know where to go from here. As my parents have so kindly pointed out, there's only two places it can go: it can end or it can continue going on forever. I really like her and would like to see how long it can go. But, I'm scared and fearful. Not 100% sure how she feels and I've been too scared to ask her. But so far, things are good. I think she's hinted a few times that she wants me to kiss her, but I get scared and wuss out. I know, I know. That doesn't sound like Tyler. But trust me, it is. I always wuss out on things like this. My last girlfriend asked me straight out why I hadn't kissed her yet. It took several weeks of taunting and building courage on my part to even kiss her on her cheek. So, we'll see how this works out. I'm still not sure what she sees in me and why she wants to date me. But, I sure am happy that I'm dating her! (And is it moving too fast if I see this girl, say, almost every day?)

Not much else is going on for me. Just working and trying to stay on top of things in life. So glad that the week is over. I was getting awfully tired. I love my new truck! It's nice to have that toy. I'm glad to get into a newer vehicle, especially since my old one was having so many problems! It's a little more than I needed, but it should last me a lot longer than I need. So, here's hoping! No new news on the job hunt. Still up in the air about some things. We'll see how those things go, too! I'll have to figure it out soon as I'm almost finished here at AG. Wish me luck!

Some random thoughts running through my mind...

2008-10-10T00:27:00.001-06:00

Umm...so it's kinda late at night right now. I just got home from running some errands down in the valley. Nothing too exciting, I know. But, it was good to get away from work for a bit and think about other things going on in my life. Work this week has been crazy! We've had so much to do! It's been hard because there's so much expected of us and we can't handle everything that we've been given. We're already shorthanded as it is, and so to have so much more asked of us is difficult. I think, however, that we've all braved the storm rather well. Sure, it's been stressful and busy. But, we've made it through thus far! We've had several groups come and go already this week and we have another big turnaround tomorrow. I don't know how we'll do it all, but we'll get it done! I just hope our guests are patient with us as we'll be stretched to our limits in getting everything ready for them!

There's no new updates in my social life. I'm a workaholic, and so I don't have much energy to devote to my social life just yet. I could divert some of the energy I put into work into developing that social life. I just haven't found a really good excuse to divert my energy from working to dating (although that can change VERY quickly). I've got a date planned for this weekend, so that'll be fun. I'm beginning to get the impression that this girl likes me. That's a thought I doubted up until Tuesday night. I now feel like she has some interest in getting to know me better and continue to go on dates with me. I certainly would love to take her out on more dates. She is a blast to be around! We'll see how it all works out in the end, though! As far as friends go, I haven't spent much time with them lately. I've thrown so much of my efforts into work that very little energy is left for others. I hope that will change very shortly as well! All work and no play leads to a boring, unfulfilled life! And also misery! I need fun, so I'd better learn quickly to find ways to balance play and work together! Otherwise, life won't be as fun!

So, I applied to a job this week. It's for a recreation manager position up in South Jordan. I would be SO stoked to get that job if they offer me the position. The application period closed today. I was told they'd begin calling people within the week. The week ends tomorrow, so I hope I get a call from them! It would be sweet to work for them! At least, I think so. I haven't heard much about the job other than what is posted on the website. It pays pretty well, especially for a recent college grad. I'm not 100% sure I have all the qualifications necessary for the job, but I'm, sure hoping I do! If I did get the job, I couldn't start until January 1. Hopefully they could hold the job for me until then. It's only 2 1/2 months. That's not that long! If I did get the job, that would require me to find an apartment/condo and move out of the place where I'm at now. That could be a difficulty, but it's one I would look forward to. Getting a full-time, permanent job is my hope at the moment. But with the economy the way it is, it may be harder than I originally planned to secure such a job. But, here's hoping!

Umm...a short update!

2008-10-06T22:06:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't written on this things in awhile. Seems like a repetitive kinda thing, eh? I promise I'm trying to get better at this! And if you can't forgive me, well, that's your problem!

So, what's been going on in my life??? Where do I begin?!? Here goes nothing!

First, work's been crazy! I've been given new responsiblities since the fall season has started. It's been fun to do, but kinda taken me awhile to adjust to the new responsibilites. I'm keeping up as best as I can, though. I'm worried that I'm a bit short with people when I get so focused on the tasks at hand. It's not that I'm not concerned for their welfare and that I'm angry. It's just that I want to get done as quickly as possible so I can move on to other things I know I need to get done. Hopefully, they don't take me too seriously! But, I'm loving it up here! It's been a real treat to work here for the past few months. I'm seriously going to miss this place when I do leave!

Second, I'm in the market for a new vehicle! My old vehicle, which I've only had for two years now, is on its last leg. I've had problems on-and-off again with this vehicle. I was hoping it would last a few years before I would have any serious issues. It appears as if it will only last me until the end of this year. Sad, eh? It's been a good car. I've enjoyed having it. I wish it wouldn't have to end this way, but it does. Hopefully, I can find a new car that suits my needs. I've looked around and found some cars that I like. Most of them I can't afford. But, I think I have found a few that meet my needs and wants and will work for my current cirumstances. We'll see what I eventually get! If you have a couple extra thousand dollars lying around, send some my way!

Third, general conference was a blast! It was fun to hear all the leaders of the church talk about things that I need to hear. I learned quite a bit from all the talks I heard. If only I could retain all the information I learned from the weekend instantaneously. I was definitely uplifted and strengthened from listening to their words. And, it didn't hurt that I got to two of the five sessions!

Four, my social life is going well. I can't say that I'm engaged or even close to it. I have, however, been on several dates over the past month or so. Gone on dates with a lot of fun, pretty girls. However, only one of those girls seems to be a repetitive thought in my mind. I don't want to sound like I'm obsessed or stalkerish in any way. But, she has made an impact on my life, even if it's been a small one thus far. I've hung out with her on several occasions over the past few months. I'm not even sure what her thoughts about me are. I do know, however, that my interest level has been peaked. She's a blast to be around. She's fun, has a great smile, intelligent, driven, spiritual, BEAUTIFUL, kind, generous, great listener, and the list goes on and on. I feel like she lifts and improves me whenever I'm around her. Now, nothing has happened between us. We're just friends at the moment. I would like to date her, but I'm not sure if the feelings are mutual. Some of my close friends say that it appears as if she's interested. But, I haven't gotten the guts to ask her what her thoughts on the subject are. We've hung out a few times this past week and it's made me re-evaluate what I really want in this life. My priorities are beginning to shift a bit. They're not shifting to anything bad; they're just shifting in a direction that I think is needed. I guess I'm just scared to think what she really does think of me. Does she like me? Are we just good friends? Is there a possibility we can date on a more regular basis? Or am I just foolishly hoping for something that's not there? I guess only time will tell! (p.s. I really hope she doesn't read this. If she does, this ought to get interesting...)

Ffith, my family seems to be doing well. My sister-in-law is pregnant again, and that's exciting. My sister and neices appear to be doing well. My younger two brothers at home are doing well. No big issues with my parents. All in all, family life is good!

I guess that's about it to report. I know it's not all the details on what's been going on the past month or so. But if you really want a good update, I guess you could really just call and ask me and I'd be glad to fill in the blanks! But then again, who's really going to read this post anyway???

What a Beautiful Day...

2008-09-07T21:10:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't written on this thing in awhile. Oops! Sorry to those avidly reading this (which I assume is hardly anyone). Oh well! I guess I should bring you up to speed with my life happenings recently...

So, we've started fall crew now. This past week was our first full week together. A couple changes and adjustments were needed to shift from the family camp mentality to the conferences and workshops we have all fall long. The end of summer crew was kinda sad. I grew close to so many of the staff that I got to work with! We had lots of fun and made tons of memories! No, I wasn't a part of the Aspen Grove dating drama (however, some thought I was). I heard about most of the things going on here, which was kinda funny. I never did date anyone on staff here while the summer was going on. On several occasions, I thought hard about doing it. But alas, I did not. Who are these girls that I wanted to ask out? Well, you'll have to ask me about that in person! (Ha Ha) The last day of summer crew was crazy because we were all trying to finish up in time to get down to the first BYU football home game. Most of us made it on time, although the traffic was horrendous! It was fun to get back into football again and especially to see BYU win its first game of the season! Yay! It was kinda empty at Aspen Grove after summer crew left and before fall crew started. I spent most of that weekend alone up here (although I did go down to the valley a couple of times). Once fall crew started, I felt a little bit more at ease. It's still quite an adjustment and will take some time getting use to it, but I'll manage. The crew for the fall is quite fun. We all seem to get along fairly well. Most of the crew here are only part time since they're still in school. There's only a few of us who are here full time, and most of them are in the dining hall and kitchen. But, that's alright. It's almost like summer all over again!

I'm sure there are many of you wondering about my social life and how that's going. Well, there's not much to report on in this section of my life. It kinda surprises me how "down" I've been lately. Not depressed, mind you. I just haven't had the drive to date as much as I normally would have. I've become really content in being single, which is good and bad. Good in the fact that I'm enjoying the stage of life I'm in currently and making the most of it. I don't have to depend on anyone except myself to do things. I also don't have anyone else depending on me. It's kinda nice. However, the bad is that I should be allotting time to focus on that part of my life. I just can't seem to get off my rear end and do it! I'm still intimidated by the whole dating scene, and I've been home for almost five years from my mission! Crazy, eh? There are several girls I would love to date, but I'm just so scared about asking them. I'll see if I can change it, though...

Another day; Another dollar

2008-08-05T22:24:00.000-06:00

Today's been a good day. Mostly helped lay asphalt all day long around the camp. Glad I don't do that as a permanent job. It's so hard! And very hot! But, at least I know how to do it now!

Haven't had much happen over the last few weeks. Been really trying to figure out my life and its direction. Every day is hard; every day is worth all the pain, tears, joys, and fears. It's hard, but I try not to complain. There's a lot to be happy about each day that it's not worth complaining. But it sure would be nice if certain things would work out...

What a GREAT Sunday!

2008-07-20T12:59:00.000-06:00

So, today was so great! I wasn't sure how I'd feel today since I didn't get to bed until really late last night. But before I go into what today was like, I guess I could update everyone on my happenings for the week...

This week was full of projects which were exhausting beyond belief at work. I think we've finally caught up on the projects that we've been putting aside due to the new building being built. The Beckham Lodge has taken up most of our time when it comes to projects and needs. But this week, we hardly did anything with the Beckham. The weeks started out with fixing the sprinklers and their timers. I think we finally got all the sprinklers on the right time and spraying where they need to along with not spraying where they're not suppose to spray. And trust me, that's a harder project than it sounds! I finally got the sprinkler box rewired and working down by Arts & Crafts. That's a project that we started back in May and just got finished this week! Wow! That's kinda crazy to think about! I finally buried the wire, too, so we're done with fixing that line now. Yea! Another project that drained us as maintenance boys here was moving all the weight equipment from the shop bay to the various rooms where we'll keep them. Moving over 3 tons of equipment takes a toll on a body, no matter how strong you are. Luckily, we got them all moved in a day. I thought it would take longer than that. We haven't completely assembled all the equipment yet, though. We may still need to rearrange some of the equipment so it fits in all the appropriate spots. On Friday, we had a staff party down at Veterans Memorial Park at the pool. Some of us wondered why we were having a pool party down there when we have a pool up here at camp. Logically, it didn't make sense to most of us. But, none of us argued the issue and were willing to enjoy a night away from camp for a bit. I mostly went down the slides the whole time I was there. It was rather relaxing after a busy week at camp.

Now, on to today's happenings...

So, I was assigned to give the lesson for Elder's Quorum today in church. Not a surprise, as I assumed I would have to teach. However, I seem to get assigned when we have a General Authority coming to visit our church group. Kinda odd, eh? I was pretty intimidated last time it happened and was even more intimidated this time. The first time Elder Groberg visited us. He's now the temple president at the Idaho Falls Temple. He was just down for the Groberg reunion held at our camp. This week, Elder Arnold from the 2nd Quorum of the Seventy is here with his family reunion. How I get stuck teaching in these situations is beyond me. I'm always a bit nervous teaching in front of them because I would hate to say something wrong and get corrected in front of the quorum. The lesson went rather well today. I felt that everything went according as I had planned and that everyone learned something from the lesson. One member of the quorum suggested that I leave a few minutes to have Elder Arnold share a few thoughts with us. I hadn't asked Elder Arnold to speak as I didn't want to put him on the spot. After the quorum member's plea, he consented to share a thought or two at the end of my lesson. I was nervous beyond belief! I quickly analyzed in my head, trying to think if I said anything amiss or untrue. I knew I hadn't, so I was just hoping Elder Arnold would share a brief testimony and sit down and all would be well. After I finished the lesson, I invited Elder Arnold to come up front and share with us his thoughts. I went to gather my things and sit down with the rest of the quorum. Instead, Elder Arnold invited me to stand with him as he bore his testimony. What an amazing experience! I could feel his love for me and for the gospel as he stood next to me. We have amazing church leaders that truly are inspired of God! What a great experience! I felt so warm and joyous inside as I stood next to one of the many men of God called to run the Lord's church on earth. I'm so happy!

Another day down...

2008-07-11T14:32:00.000-06:00

So, another week has passed and I don't have much to show for it. Just another normal work week up here at Aspen Grove. Had a lot of projects assigned this week to me and the other maintenance boys. I'm pretty exhausted from all that we had to do. Not much has changed in my life. Still unsure of the direction I'm going with my life. However, I'm a bit more at peace about the uncertainty than I was before. This doesn't mean I'm not concerned about it, though. I just feel better about it after several opportunities to think things through. I wish certain things would work out for me soon...

p.s. So, what would a guy do if he likes a girl but thinks she's not interested?

Just another day in paradise (at least, I think so)...

2008-07-06T08:56:00.000-06:00

Wow! I can't believe how crazy life can get! Not really sure what to say about the past week or so. Just another normal week or two at work. Lots to do; not much time to do it all. I think we're catching up on all our projects because things seem to have slowed down a bit. Of course, there's still tons to do. Most days are spent doing the small things instead of the big projects like before. I'm happy for the most part with work. Don't get much interaction with the guests, though. That can be a bummer. I find ways to still have fun and enjoy what I do, even if I'm by myself for a majority of the day. The 4th of July was fun. I went down to the valley with a bunch of friends from work and watched the fireworks. It was fun to get away and forget work for a few hours. I wish the holiday had been longer, though. I definitely need the break! Not much else new to report in my life. Still single, trying to figure out my dating life. Still unsure as to what I'll be doing come August for work. Still trying to work things out all over my life. I guess someday it will all work out and I'll have everything figured out, eh?

2008-06-27T07:59:00.000-06:00

Just the website to an old blog I have...

http://weblog.xanga.com/slow_guy

A good day!

2008-06-20T23:36:00.000-06:00

Today was a fun day for me! Well, it really was a mix of feelings, but overall, it was good. It started like every other Friday does for me at work: we work all morning long and get the afternoon off. I spent the day cleaning carpets, which isn't a bad job at all. A bit monotonous and exhausting, but better than some of the alternatives. After I got off, I showered real quick and headed for PG. The Strawberry Days Rodeo was going on, and I needed a quick fix of country in my life. It was fun to go with a group of friends from work, too. There was eight of us in all that went to the rodeo tonight. It was worth the drive! Had a blast watching the rodeo! Now, I'm back in the lounge, tired and bored. I guess I should head off to bed now...

So, I'm confused once again!

2008-06-15T22:29:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I'm writing this, but it's gotta come out sometime. It's probably best that I write things down now while they're still fresh in my mind. I've had a lot to think about lately, mostly concerning where my life is going. Unfortunately, I'm still not sure exactly where I'm going with my life. There have been a lot of unexpected changes lately which has caused a lot of serious reflection as of late. So, here it goes...

First, I finally graduated from college. It only took me four years to graduate, but it felt like it took longer. I graduated with a degree in Recreation Management instead of Business. It was a needed change, but it also brought about unforeseen challenges that I had not previously contemplated. Being in the current economic recession, many are not looking for as many opportunities to recreate. This means fewer resorts are hiring guys like me who just recently graduated and are looking for employment in that field. Two, fewer people can afford such luxuries as everything costs so much more now. Thus, it's not the most opportune time to graduate in this field. I'm still pretty optimistic about my chances, though. I've filled my resume with several experiences that give me an advantage over other recent grads. I've looked around the area and found several potential opportunities. However, I'm unsure about what is the best for me and my future. I'm looking at all the options and keeping myself open to whatever comes along. I've not set my mind on any one job in particular. We'll see what my future holds!

Next, my whole girl situation has changed again. I had a break-up the first week of April which I didn't take so well. We broke up due to a conflict of interests. She needed more time; I couldn't give her the time she needed. So, we broke up. (There's a little more to the story. Ask me later.) Anyways, I kinda swore off girls for a bit. I had a lot on my plate at the moment and I definitely needed to focus on those things first. However, I started talking to this girl that I had known for a bit. We hadn't really talked a lot over the past year due to our different schedules. However, we met one night after a class presentation and had a good talk. I forgot how much fun she was to talk to, and so it was good to chat with her for a bit and see what she had been up to. I wasn't interested in dating at the time since I didn't feel I needed to "rebound" so I kept things casual. I saw her a few weeks later at graduation and had another good chat with her. She mentioned that she was planning a trip to Zions in a few weeks and asked if I'd like to go. I told her that I'd love to if my schedule would allow so. She kept me up-to-date on the details for the next week or so. In the meantime, I had a change in jobs which prevented me from going on the trip. I informed her of the change in plans and wished her the best in her travels. We kept in touch thereafter and hung out together a few times. I did eventually get the guts to take her out on one official date, although I wish I would have planned the date better. All the while we had, at least in my opinion, some really good conversations. I'm a bit forgetful and can't remember all the details of our conversaitons, but I do remember how fun it was to chat with her. During this time, I began to like her and want to spend more time with her. She was quite different from my previous girlfriend. I wanted to take things slow since I wasn't sure how much I could handle with all the recent changes in my life. I did try to talk to her as often as I could muster the courage, which unfortunately isn't often. With our varied and demanding schedules, it is hard to see each other. But, to the real story for the blog entry. I got off the phone tonight after talking to her about her day and such. I admit that our conversations do involve a lot of small talk, but I'm not sure how else to begin a conversation. She mentioned the text that I randomly sent to her today in our conversation and mentioned that I was "too nice to her". Anyway, she also brought up that she was only looking to make friends right now. I'm actually not sure of her exact wording, but it came out something like that. Luckily, I wasn't awkward about it. Normally, I would be. Herein lies the issue, though. Despite the fact that she is only looking for friends, I still want to pursue a relationship, whether that be only a good friendship or something else. She is still a fun girl to talk to. I don't know if the door has completely shut on me just yet. If it has, I am willing to accept that. I'm not going to push the issue and I'll give her some space. But inside me, I still feel like I should continue the friendship that we have. I don't know why I feel like this. It's not a feeling I get very often. She's one of the few girls that I've even been interested in pursuing since I've come home from my mission over four years ago. Kinda weird, eh? I don't know what is too much. I fear I won't do enough to keep the friendship alive. I don't want to drive her away. I'm not sinking all my energies into this relationship, though. I'm keeping all options open. This, however, was my first pursuit among others. I don't know where to go from here. What is a confused guy like me suppose to do in this sort of situation???