Just the website to an old blog I have...

http://weblog.xanga.com/slow_guy

A good day!

Today was a fun day for me! Well, it really was a mix of feelings, but overall, it was good. It started like every other Friday does for me at work: we work all morning long and get the afternoon off. I spent the day cleaning carpets, which isn't a bad job at all. A bit monotonous and exhausting, but better than some of the alternatives. After I got off, I showered real quick and headed for PG. The Strawberry Days Rodeo was going on, and I needed a quick fix of country in my life. It was fun to go with a group of friends from work, too. There was eight of us in all that went to the rodeo tonight. It was worth the drive! Had a blast watching the rodeo! Now, I'm back in the lounge, tired and bored. I guess I should head off to bed now...

So, I'm confused once again!

I can't believe I'm writing this, but it's gotta come out sometime. It's probably best that I write things down now while they're still fresh in my mind. I've had a lot to think about lately, mostly concerning where my life is going. Unfortunately, I'm still not sure exactly where I'm going with my life. There have been a lot of unexpected changes lately which has caused a lot of serious reflection as of late. So, here it goes...

First, I finally graduated from college. It only took me four years to graduate, but it felt like it took longer. I graduated with a degree in Recreation Management instead of Business. It was a needed change, but it also brought about unforeseen challenges that I had not previously contemplated. Being in the current economic recession, many are not looking for as many opportunities to recreate. This means fewer resorts are hiring guys like me who just recently graduated and are looking for employment in that field. Two, fewer people can afford such luxuries as everything costs so much more now. Thus, it's not the most opportune time to graduate in this field. I'm still pretty optimistic about my chances, though. I've filled my resume with several experiences that give me an advantage over other recent grads. I've looked around the area and found several potential opportunities. However, I'm unsure about what is the best for me and my future. I'm looking at all the options and keeping myself open to whatever comes along. I've not set my mind on any one job in particular. We'll see what my future holds!

Next, my whole girl situation has changed again. I had a break-up the first week of April which I didn't take so well. We broke up due to a conflict of interests. She needed more time; I couldn't give her the time she needed. So, we broke up. (There's a little more to the story. Ask me later.) Anyways, I kinda swore off girls for a bit. I had a lot on my plate at the moment and I definitely needed to focus on those things first. However, I started talking to this girl that I had known for a bit. We hadn't really talked a lot over the past year due to our different schedules. However, we met one night after a class presentation and had a good talk. I forgot how much fun she was to talk to, and so it was good to chat with her for a bit and see what she had been up to. I wasn't interested in dating at the time since I didn't feel I needed to "rebound" so I kept things casual. I saw her a few weeks later at graduation and had another good chat with her. She mentioned that she was planning a trip to Zions in a few weeks and asked if I'd like to go. I told her that I'd love to if my schedule would allow so. She kept me up-to-date on the details for the next week or so. In the meantime, I had a change in jobs which prevented me from going on the trip. I informed her of the change in plans and wished her the best in her travels. We kept in touch thereafter and hung out together a few times. I did eventually get the guts to take her out on one official date, although I wish I would have planned the date better. All the while we had, at least in my opinion, some really good conversations. I'm a bit forgetful and can't remember all the details of our conversaitons, but I do remember how fun it was to chat with her. During this time, I began to like her and want to spend more time with her. She was quite different from my previous girlfriend. I wanted to take things slow since I wasn't sure how much I could handle with all the recent changes in my life. I did try to talk to her as often as I could muster the courage, which unfortunately isn't often. With our varied and demanding schedules, it is hard to see each other. But, to the real story for the blog entry. I got off the phone tonight after talking to her about her day and such. I admit that our conversations do involve a lot of small talk, but I'm not sure how else to begin a conversation. She mentioned the text that I randomly sent to her today in our conversation and mentioned that I was "too nice to her". Anyway, she also brought up that she was only looking to make friends right now. I'm actually not sure of her exact wording, but it came out something like that. Luckily, I wasn't awkward about it. Normally, I would be. Herein lies the issue, though. Despite the fact that she is only looking for friends, I still want to pursue a relationship, whether that be only a good friendship or something else. She is still a fun girl to talk to. I don't know if the door has completely shut on me just yet. If it has, I am willing to accept that. I'm not going to push the issue and I'll give her some space. But inside me, I still feel like I should continue the friendship that we have. I don't know why I feel like this. It's not a feeling I get very often. She's one of the few girls that I've even been interested in pursuing since I've come home from my mission over four years ago. Kinda weird, eh? I don't know what is too much. I fear I won't do enough to keep the friendship alive. I don't want to drive her away. I'm not sinking all my energies into this relationship, though. I'm keeping all options open. This, however, was my first pursuit among others. I don't know where to go from here. What is a confused guy like me suppose to do in this sort of situation???